Driving Godsdammit

For an entertaining follow-up to my last post which was partially about the amount of clothes I have click here .

Moving on, I have always maintained that I like driving. I realized that this is only partially true. I like to travel. I've had my own car since I was sixteen and have always cherished the freedom granted to me by owning a vehicle. In those late days of highschool my best friend and I would go for long aimless drives, the most notable of which took us out of state and returned us home after the sunrise. It didn't hurt that gas prices were a hell of a lot lower then. Now I have less time (and money) to spend on such frivilous pursuits. I still like to drive and I don't mind traveling by myself. All of my vacations I've driven (and taken) by myself. There's a bit of adventure in it, even if you know where you're going and how to get there and have been there a zillion times before.

However, I realized that I do not like to drive around the town I live in. In fact I'm starting to rather hate it. The whole thing is a pile of foolishness. I have narrow misses on a daily basis. And PEDESTRIANS! Stop walking in the road in dark clothes at night! The road is mine, the sidewalk is yours. That's why the people on bikes aren't supposed to be on the damn sidewalks. Also, you might want to look before you step into the street to cross it. Everytime I drive past the college it takes all my concetration and lightning fast reflexes to not critically maim the nation's best and brightest with my modestly sized sedan as they waltz out into traffic oblivious to anything other than Jay-Z's latests track.
And bikers, don't think I wasn't going to get to you. You travel in the road, you have to follow the same traffic laws as the cars. That means things like, oh say, stopping at stop signs. Whether I'm driving, biking, or walking I stay where and do what I'm supposed to. I expect the rest of you cretins to do the same so I don't have to keep almost killing you.

Drivers, what can I say. If I were to grade your skills on a scale of one to ten I'd give you a score of "suck" or maybe negative pi. I don't understand what the problem with four-way stops is. I know a lot of you around town are college students and are from out of town. This only deepens the mystery. Why you can't successfully navigate a four-way stop when that was the only intersection in Bumfuck, Iowa or Yougottapurdymouth, Kentucky is beyond me. Although, it's not like they get any better with age; the other day I got on the highway and found myself driving behind a cliche: a little old couple driving a ginormous Buick with Florida plates. They were, of course, doing about 45 mph and the speed limit was 65. Frustration insued.
And everyone needs to stop slamming on the breaks when they see a police car on the opposite side of a divided highway that already has somebody pulled over. Guess what kids, he is not going to get you. But even the law enforcement officials are immune here. I can cite several incidents of near misses and dumbassery. Just yesterday I saw a truck in front of me begin moving through a 3-way stop intersection. He stopped in the middle (luckily on the side of the T-junction where he was not in traffic), put on his hazard flashers and got out of the truck to grab a small piece of cardboard in the road. The driver then got back in, pulled out into traffic, left his hazards on, and proceded to 'change lanes' (swerving with no warning) three times with out signaling. When he turned at the next street up I saw "Parking and Traffic Enforcement" stenciled on the truck.

Well that's enought ranting for one day. I now have to run off to a 'Pampered Chef' party at my mothers. Oh joy.

Nothing to see here citizens

I finally have an opportunity to use the internet today. I really wanted to do a good post. Something witty or deep or at least interesting, however, I got nothing.

I've started to go to the gym again now that summer has wound down and I can actually stand to do a workout. It also helps that I'm done with the moving and down to one job instead of two. I'm trying to get into some kind of routine, but it's hard. I tend to decide on a whim what I'm going to do after getting done with work for the day. Right now I have crap shoes that I'm wearing to work so my foot is killing me and I have even less desire to workout. I must strengthen my resolve...

Other than a freaking crew meeting Saturday morning I have the entire weekend open and no plans. This could be a recipe for doing nothing. I think I'm going to get my hair cut. I'm craving some change, so I think I'll start with that.

My wardrobe could really use some help. I am a pack-rat, but lately I've been making an effort to get rid of stuff. Unfortunately a lot of it has been clothes. Granted many of them were clothes that I wasn't wearing. You know, the kind of stuff you would rather go naked than wear on laundry day. This has left me with 8 pairs of jeans, about ten assorted long and short sleeve t-shirts (most of which are black), three blouses, five tank tops, some uberfancy dresses, two fleeces, a sweater, and socks. (Yes I still have bras and underwear, but I kind of figured that it was a given and didn't need to be brought up). That's what I have to wear and it sucks.

On an unrelated note, I'm going to begin hounding my roommate about getting us teh intarwebternet at the apartment until it happens. Well, this is lame, I'm going to go watch some Firefly and/or Arrested development.

Is it still drizzling outside?

-I could have gotten my very unintelligent co-worker Dimmie fired today. The opportunity was there. There is no question, if I had taken action, she would have been fired. The terrible wrath of the Radish King would have been upon her. I could have, but didn't. As annoying as she is I would have felt bad for getting her fired. I've only ever gotten one person fired (he threatened me in front of a manager, smart move), and there were only, maybe two or three others I might have acted against if given the chance. I could have also warned her that her current actions, if espied by the manager, would get her fired. Instead I chose the path of neutrality. I did nothing. Maybe deep down I'm a good person and didn't want Dimmie to be out of a job. Maybe it was pity. Maybe I didn't want the bad Karma. Whatever the reason, Dimmie is going to be around for a little while longer.

Which is actually pretty funny considering what I learned today. Dimmie has the hots for my roommate (another one of our managers). I was told she went on for "like, an hour" about how hot she thinks he is and how nice he is. Upon learning this I could only laugh with mischievous glee. This is especially funny because my roommate cannot stand her. His response was something along the lines of "ughk".

-Since I have no intarwebternet at home I must use the library computer lab. I don't really like it because a lot of the stuff I read makes me laugh, and random giggling in a lab is a little embarassing. And now that I'm all the way over here, I realize that I didn't bring the doohicky that I keep my files on so I can upload a new comic today. I am sad.

-The Theatrical version of the original Star Wars movies are being released today. Oh, happy nerdvana. I refused to buy the original series on DVD until the theatrical version was released since I feel that the Special Edition and the newer Special Special Edition are crap. I was afraid that we'd have to wait for George Lucas to die before Lucasfilm would be able to release the theatrical version. I figure they wore him down with this argument: "C'mon Dude, we are going to make a buttload more money."

-Saturday night Colonel Eggroll and I went out to the bars. At our second stop we were amused to find the place, usually a haven for twenty-somethings, peopled by a much older crowd. Our town was having an arts festival last weekend. The middle-aged patrons must have left the festival and feeling that the night was still young decided to hit the town. They were laughing, loud, dancing, and drunk. I guess somethings can remain unchanged by a marriage, two mortgages, and three kids.

The night fit into my theory that you can never meet anybody in this town that you don't already somehow, some way know through somebody or something else. Our friend was chatting up this guy when Col. Eggroll says to me "I went to high school with that guy" Turns out so did our friend and he was the first guy she ever kissed. She spent the next five minutes after the realization hit going "OH MY GOD! Oh my god!" and laughing. The two of them were catching up when I notice the girl next to this guy was grabbing his inner thigh and then proceeded to grab his crotch. Hopefully she was his girlfriend.

After our beers at the first bar Col. E and I just got waters at the second. I have to tell you it was one of the best, most refreshing drinks I've had at a bar in ages. Col. E entrusted her water to me whilst she went to the bathroom. I was standing there, holding two waters, watching our friends and strangers, listening to the band when I suddenly had a moment. A moment of calmness and clarity. I wanted something to happen. I don't know what, something interesting or exciting I guess. I was this island of waiting in a sea of happening, but nothing was happening to me.

And then Colonel Eggroll came back from the bathroom and we decided to go get us some McCrackdonalds. And on the way home we passed a dead squirrel laying on the sidewalk, laying perfectly straight. And that was kind of weird.

Non-creative title

Anytime I'm not sitting in front of a computer I can come up with good ideas to blog about. As soon as I crash in front of a keyboard I blank out. I find this to be moderately annoying. Annoying like going out to your car after work to find the inside of it littered with straw because you decided to leave your windows cracked and your down wind from Evil-mart where they're putting down grass seed and straw. This having happened after I had to deal with Dimmie, Faux-Physicist, the old bag, and the twitching kid all in the same day. I had been in a good mood, until everybody showed up. And why is it that the people you're most annoyed with always are the ones to keep asking you "what's wrong?" Like it's something other than them.

Anyway, I obviously forgot all the cool, witty things I had to say and just ended up ranting about work. Now I'm off to go drink things with friends.

My New Blog

Something Completely Different:

A Comic by Winter

Being on Topics Diverse and Random

For the Amusement of All

Meet Dimmie

Besides several bouts of intense staring, Faux-Physicist behaved himself today at work. It figures that he would make a liar out of me. He was being a smarmy kiss-ass because a different manager transferred in and I think he wanted to make a good impression. It doesn’t matter Faux-Physicist, they’re not going to make you a manager. Since one of the managers is my roommate and the other is the esteemed Radish King (another of my allies), and the thrid has no will power you don’t stand a chance. They just haven’t told you yet because they a.) are lazy and b.) don’t want you to quit just yet.

I ended up staying over for an hour yesterday. I was supposed to leave at three; instead I wound up trying to train the woman (Dimmie) who was originally supposed to take over for me. Me and Dimmie had a lot of fun. Dimmie has an overbite, which I never equate with fuckloads of intelligence. I was not proven wrong. When she smiles she just shows you that bottom row of teeth.
Here’s how the conversation went for about two hours:

Dimmie: What time do you leave?
Me: Four.
Dimmie: Are you staying just to train me? *Gives me the bottow row of teeth*
Me: Yeah, well there aren’t enough people here anyway. Okay how do you make this one?
Dimmie: *pointing* Um, that, uh, that, and…
Me: What are those things?
Dimmie: *pointing again* Oh! Um, mayo, uh, uh, hmm, ketchup…*uncomfortable long pause*…tomato…
Me: No, it’s mayo, tomato and lettuce
Dimmie: Oh yeah. And mustard?
Me: No, just mayo, tomato and lettuce. Then bacon and cheese because it’s a bacon cheesburger.
Dimmie: Right, right.
*pause*
Dimmie: Which one are we talking about again?
*I turned to my colleague and pantomimed killing myself, she laughed at me. Dimmie meanwhile stands in idle, jaw jutting out, sucking at her teeth.*
Me: Ok, then. Have we made all the sandwiches for this order?
*Dimmie scrutinized the screen like it was the Rosetta Stone*
Dimmie: There’s another one there too!
*There wasn’t.*
Dimmie: Hey, hey, are you staying just to train me? *teeth*
Me: No. Why don’t you go to the back and find me some lettuce?

I miss you guys

Well, now on top of having no internet at home I now have no cable either. The roommate called to see about getting us some internet and the cable company told him we didn't have cable. He told them we did, he had called and had service transfered over a month ago. So the bastards turned our cable off. And its a three day weekend, so there was no way to take care of it. Hopefully this will get all sorted out tomorrow.

So this is also an apology. I have tons of posts I've wanted to do, not happened. And I can hardly keep up with reading everybody else's blogs. So apologies all around to anyone I've neglected and the tardiness of my comments/responses. Hopefully this will all be set to rights soon.