Driving Godsdammit

For an entertaining follow-up to my last post which was partially about the amount of clothes I have click here .

Moving on, I have always maintained that I like driving. I realized that this is only partially true. I like to travel. I've had my own car since I was sixteen and have always cherished the freedom granted to me by owning a vehicle. In those late days of highschool my best friend and I would go for long aimless drives, the most notable of which took us out of state and returned us home after the sunrise. It didn't hurt that gas prices were a hell of a lot lower then. Now I have less time (and money) to spend on such frivilous pursuits. I still like to drive and I don't mind traveling by myself. All of my vacations I've driven (and taken) by myself. There's a bit of adventure in it, even if you know where you're going and how to get there and have been there a zillion times before.

However, I realized that I do not like to drive around the town I live in. In fact I'm starting to rather hate it. The whole thing is a pile of foolishness. I have narrow misses on a daily basis. And PEDESTRIANS! Stop walking in the road in dark clothes at night! The road is mine, the sidewalk is yours. That's why the people on bikes aren't supposed to be on the damn sidewalks. Also, you might want to look before you step into the street to cross it. Everytime I drive past the college it takes all my concetration and lightning fast reflexes to not critically maim the nation's best and brightest with my modestly sized sedan as they waltz out into traffic oblivious to anything other than Jay-Z's latests track.
And bikers, don't think I wasn't going to get to you. You travel in the road, you have to follow the same traffic laws as the cars. That means things like, oh say, stopping at stop signs. Whether I'm driving, biking, or walking I stay where and do what I'm supposed to. I expect the rest of you cretins to do the same so I don't have to keep almost killing you.

Drivers, what can I say. If I were to grade your skills on a scale of one to ten I'd give you a score of "suck" or maybe negative pi. I don't understand what the problem with four-way stops is. I know a lot of you around town are college students and are from out of town. This only deepens the mystery. Why you can't successfully navigate a four-way stop when that was the only intersection in Bumfuck, Iowa or Yougottapurdymouth, Kentucky is beyond me. Although, it's not like they get any better with age; the other day I got on the highway and found myself driving behind a cliche: a little old couple driving a ginormous Buick with Florida plates. They were, of course, doing about 45 mph and the speed limit was 65. Frustration insued.
And everyone needs to stop slamming on the breaks when they see a police car on the opposite side of a divided highway that already has somebody pulled over. Guess what kids, he is not going to get you. But even the law enforcement officials are immune here. I can cite several incidents of near misses and dumbassery. Just yesterday I saw a truck in front of me begin moving through a 3-way stop intersection. He stopped in the middle (luckily on the side of the T-junction where he was not in traffic), put on his hazard flashers and got out of the truck to grab a small piece of cardboard in the road. The driver then got back in, pulled out into traffic, left his hazards on, and proceded to 'change lanes' (swerving with no warning) three times with out signaling. When he turned at the next street up I saw "Parking and Traffic Enforcement" stenciled on the truck.

Well that's enought ranting for one day. I now have to run off to a 'Pampered Chef' party at my mothers. Oh joy.