Weird

Colonel Eggroll, her husband, and I went out to partake of some chinese buffet for lunch yesterday.

At the end of our meal they brought us our check and fortune cookies. We split them up and when I opened mine there was no fortune inside. Weird.

Erasure

So Wednesday night I went to the post office to get the mail from my post office box. I hadn't been to pick my crap up in a couple weeks, which is one of the reasons I have the box, the other being I've moved seven times in seven years and never had to change my address. I immediately noticed that my box had a shiny new lock. Perplexed, but stupidly optimistic, I tried my key anyway. It didn't work.

I was thoroughly confused. I had paid my box rent back at the beginning of August (on my birthday, in fact), meaning I was paid up through January. I thought that it had been a while since I'd picked up my mail, but they'd never changed my lock before no matter how long I went. Since it was after hours I had to wait until the next day (yesterday) to find out what was going on. Perhaps the postal employees, driven by the monotany of their work, decided to play a cruel practical joke on me, I thought. "Haha, we changed your lock, just wanted to see how long it would take you to notice. Just kidding."

I went in to the post office yesterday. I ended up getting the one woman who has worked there for years, and knows me, at least by sight. I told her about my problem. She seemed confused and went to the back to check their files. The other guy said he thought my box rent had lapsed. Exasperated, I told them I had just paid in August, showed them my carbon copy of the check, that I had even come into the post office and not mailed my check. The woman came back from the back with the paperwork showing that I had paid and my box should have been renewed. The manager (or some sort of manager) was standing right there and as soon as this was discovered he said, "Who was supposed to take care of this?" in that "manager voice" that implies some one is in trouuuuuble. Then he quickly says, "We'll figure that out later, take care of fixing the problem now." Well done, guy. I hope none of the clerks get in trouble, because they've always been nice and helpful to me. They gave me a new key and I have my box back. I guess somebody's going over my 'file' and may or may not call me because they took my phone number.

Oh yeah, I forgot to mention the other problem. They sent all my mail back. Return to Sender-ed all of my mail for the last two weeks or so. My credit card bills, my bank statements, my magazines, everything. What the hell am I supposed to do about that? There's no precedent I can think of for this situation. Should I just start calling places and saying something like, "Hey, just wanted to let you know my address is still the same, even if all my shit got sent back. Yeah, yeah, totally the same."? I pay all my bills online, so nothing will be late, but it's damn inconvenient.

I've never had any problems with the post office people before. How could they do this to me? It's so mean! It's like being friends with some one for seven years and then one day they just punch you in the ovaries (or kick you in the nuts, you know, whatever you're packing), really hard, for no reason.

I must tell you this

One of our new people was training today. I walked into this:

"English" Girl: ...of course, a couple is four to me because I'm pretty much an English person. Well, as close as I can get.

Okaaaaay, as far as I was aware a 'couple' is two. A couple pears is two pears. A couple as it refers to people is two people. Otherwise you're getting into alternative relationships. [Of course, at the hick highschool I was forced to go to, a 'couple' meant anything from one to five.] None of the English people I know have ever mentioned this to me, so I'm going to assume it's crap.

And for the record, she doesn't have an accent. Of course, that does not disqualify her. Occasionally she might have a strange inflection on a word here or there, but it's not consistent in which words or what type. [Also, all of this is verbatim.]

And, how can you be "pretty much English"? Quoi?

Later, I walk by again and this new girl is talking to the ditsy 17-year-old highschool senior with the 16-year-old sophmore boyfriend who is "her baby daddy".

Ditsy Girl: Yeah, I seem to spend all my time working, sleeping, or at school.
"English" Girl: Oh, I just seem to sleep, eat, and drink tea.
Ditsy Girl: Huh?
"English" Girl: English.

Alright, at this point I decided I had to investigate further.

Me: So, you're English then?
"English" Girl: Yeah, can't you tell by the way I talk.
Me: Um, no. If I had to say anything, I'd say you have more of a Southern voice.
"English" Girl: *huffs*
Me: Were you born in England then?
"English" Girl: *in a 'duh' voice* No.

Wtf? Now I'm confused. The girl doesn't have an accent. She wasn't born there, so what's her claim on being English? I'm not going to entirely discount that she was raised in England, but... Is she just saying because she thinks it's 'cool'?

Later, when I have a chance, I broach the subject again.

Me: I give. You're English, but weren't born there?
"English" Girl: *coming back from the orion nebula* What?
Me: You told me that you were English, but that you weren't born in England. How's that then?
"English" Girl: Parents.
Me: Your parents are English?
"English" Girl: Yeah, it carries on.
Me: *blink, blink*
"English" Girl: You might not be able to tell from my accent beause I do a lot of dialects. It's from my acting, I do a lot of acting. I used to want to be a mortician, but I returned to acting because it's my first love.

...Holy crap, dudes.

Just looking for a little follow through

So the guy said he thought I was 'cool and beautiful' and wanted to 'hang out with me'. A date then? I supposed so. Then there were some text messages, setting things up. Then nothing. Rather disrespectful to just leave a person hanging like that. I took my irritation out on the apartment, it's much cleaner now. It's not like I had anything invested emotionally at this juncture, but still, I was a little disappointed. Oh well.

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You know what I'm getting tired of? Creepy commercials. I was trying to explain to a friend yesterday that there seems to be quite a lot of them. Things that I watch and find unsettling. The Burger King. Who doesn't find that creepy? But I've heard people talk about how cool he is, and if you point out the creepiness factor they'll just say "That's what makes him so cool!" No, no, no. Creepy does not equal cool; it is in fact, usually considered to be the exact opposite of cool. That feeling of unease is your subconscious trying to flag you down and point out that there's something amiss. I have to wonder, don't any of the people developing the commercials notices these things? Does the camera guy spend his day filming that mugging idiot for some "male enhancement" product, Bob, and then go home and have nightmares? If so does anybody say anything. "Hey, Stan, buddy, listen, great idea there, but I just shit my pants in terror." The worst part has to be how well these piles of drivel work. I heard somebody declare that they wanted the special that they had seen advertised on TV, and then needed to ask what it was they were getting.

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