Drunk Dialed!

I was awoken last Sunday morning by the ringing of my phone. It was my day off, and all I knew was that it was way earlier than I wanted to get up. I groped around on the shelf for my phone. Blearily I peered at the display. It informed me that I was getting a call from a very unexpected source. It was the number of the guy who randomly broke off contact from a couple weeks ago. Curious and not entirely awake, I answered the call.

I spent the next fifteen plus minutes talking (ok, more like occasionaly dropping a 'yeah' or 'ok') to a person who was not in fact the NoCallBackGuy. It was quite entertaining. Here's the conversation (And some of what I was thinking as well.), paraphrased because I was only half awake at the time. Leaving out some of the boring repetative bits.

Me: Hello?
The Dude on the Phone: Becky! Becky Ethan! Becky Ethan! Ethan, ethanethanethan.
Me: What? (Why is he calling me Ethan? That's not even close to my last name?)
The Dude: Ethan, dude. What's up man?
Me: Uh, not much. What time is it?
The Dude: It's like, nine. So what are you doing? Sleeping?
Me: Well I was.
The Dude: Hey, that's cool. So, like, we're out of beer now, and almost all the whiskey's gone. We're just waiting until we can go buy more beer.
Me: Ok. (It's finally dawning on me at this point that this isn't actually the NoCallBackGuy, and is actually somebody else)
The Dude: So are you going to come over and hang out with us man?
Me: Sure. (??)
The Dude: Yeah, I can't sleep, so I decided to start calling people on people's phones. ( Lucky me, I guess, that my name is near the beginning of the alphabet.)
Me: Uh-huh
The Dude: *snorting laughter*
Me: Are you high?
The Dude: *giggles* What! I don't know what you're talking about? *giggles* You should come over to the town house man.
Me: Ok. What's the address? (I, of course, had no intention of going anywhere.)
The Dude: It's, like, between the movie theater and the campus. (That's pretty much half of the entire town.)
Me: Uh, which street?
The Dude: I don't know! I just come here every now and then and get drunk! Do you know who I am? Do you know who you're talking to??
Me: Actually I have no idea who this is.
The Dude: It's me! Steve! Steve Martin! (I have no idea who that is.)
Me: 'kay.
The Dude: *to someone else* Hey! We're going to pick up Becky! Hey!(Yeah, like I'd get into the car with this drunk idiot) *to me* Dude, I know you.
Me: I don't think so.
The Dude: You totally came over that one time. You drove your truck over. (I don't have a truck.)
Me: I don't have a truck.
The Dude: Well you did. You got mad at us because we broke your camera. (This never happened)
Me: What?
The Dude: We broke it when we jumped into your pool. (I don't have a pool.)
Me: I don't have a pool.
The Dude: Are you sure this is Becky? Are you really you?
Me: Hmmm, maybe I'm not. Maybe I'm an alien pod person.
The Dude: Huh?
Me: Yes, I'm me.
The Dude: Well...so we're coming to pick you up then. *to somebody else* Hey, A. (the NoCallBackguy) we gotta go pick Becky up! Hey, A! What are you doing in there? *Back to me* A.'s in the bathroom. I think he's pooping. He's taking forever. So we're coming to pick you up. Where do you live.
Me: *I tell him my street, but not my address number*
The Dude: Ok, *yelling away from the phone* Hey A.! We gotta go to [my street]! We're picking Becky up! *Back to me again* Man he sure is taking a long time to poop. So we're coming to [a street two away from mine]. I feel it's always safer to add two streets. (Does this make sense to anyone?)
Me: Mmmm? (I'd felt like dozing off again)
The Dude: Dude, are you asleep?
Me: I was before you called.
The Dude: Well, you're still coming over right?
Me: Sure. (yeah when hell freezes over)
The Dude: Do you want me to call you back later so you can sleep?
Me: Yeah, why don't you call me back in...I don't know, a couple days when you sober up.
The Dude: All right! I'm calling you back in fifteen mintues then. And then...HEY A. WE'RE GOING TO PICK BECKY UP...and then we'll come pick you up. (I wonder if A. is hiding in the bathroom in embarassment)
Me: Ok. (I figure he'll forget about me in less than five minutes)
The dude: Later dude.
Me: Bye.

After hanging up I looked at the time display on my phone. It said 7:54. "It's not even eight o'clock assholes!" I yelled to no one in particular. And then I went back to sleep.