This is just a series of things that are pissing me off - 1.

Look, I'm not trying to sound ungrateful towards the advice givers of the world, but there is a certain brand of unsolicited advice that I find irritating. I'm talking about the unsolicited soliloquy dumped in the middle of a light conversation, in this case one being held at work. It's great that you know things, lots of things apparently, but if you're going to give a lecture maybe you should have given me a heads up first so I could have grabbed a pen & paper to take notes. There is no way I'm going to remember all this crap in five minutes. And by the way, you're monopolizing the conversation. Conversation is like badminton, if the shuttlecock, or birdie, isn't going back and forth once in a while then we're not playing fucking badminton are we? We're just standing in the yard wondering when lunch will be.

For example, if I say, "I'm thinking about getting a pet zombie." There are numerous standard responses that we can all agree on to be appropriate:

"That's cool."
"We had a pet zombie when I was a kid. It was awesome."
"I know a guy who raises zombies. Let me give you his card."
"Not me, I've had zombiphobia since I was a kid, and watched that one movie with the town that had the rabid zombie population. For me they're worse than clowns."
"I don't recommend it. Zombies smell/they only eat brains and have you seen the price of brains lately?/the gnaw on everything/I think it's inhumane to keep them locked up/whatever reason."

All of these allow us to continue down the merry path of the convo. Here's what is not an okay response:

"Zombies? My third cousin, Rachel, did her master's thesis on the impact of zombie farming with regard to imports and exports in the near Far East during the pre-classical post-revival Gobbledeegook period. She and her husband made a small but crucial contribution to Martin J. Belowme's History of the American Zombie: A Guide to Breeds and a History of Breeders in the Classical Period. I think it's out of print, but you should talk to my husband he knows this one site where you can get books that are out of print, and make money from home. That's what he does, makes money from home, and it's not a scam like some of those scams out there that say you can make money from home, but you can't they just take your money and then you're out all that money, and you can never track them down, and the Better Business Bureau will just say, "tough luck, we can't do anything" which is what happened to my aunt Sally that one time. Anyway, my third cousin, or is she third once removed? Dunno. Anyway, she submitted several articles to Zomb Weekly over the last four and three-quarters years. You can read them, along with others, at her website http://rachelsmith.zombies.wtf/12345/gobbledeegook-blargledeeblarg/nearwesternfareast/6789/pre-classical/articles/\-_++#$5&*!/stfu/zombie-lovin-farmers-of-america/omfgareyouwritingthisdown?=shutup!shutup!shutup!.html. You really should check it out."

Okay, if you can't tell by my mildly poleaxed expression at this point, I am no longer listening to what you're saying. I'm looking for an escape route.