Long time no see, eh? I've been busy, but aren't we all? I like lists, so (in no particular order) are the things that have happened or are going on right now:

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I have the beginnings of a cold. Just a tickle in the throat, but I'm not really in the mood for a cold (not that I ever would be), so Eff that noise. I am trying to kill it with some of those preemptive strike medicines. I haven't tried them before, so we'll see if it works.

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I got totally screamed at, cussed out by a customer on the phone the other day. We're talking completely bat shit irrational hostilities, even though I was not personally responsible for the thing she was mad about. The conversation ended with the woman hanging up on me. Anytime I take a customer complaint call I apply my most polite and professional phone voice (I have others), I don't let people get me riled, I don't let them transfer their anger to me. Let's face it, a lot of times the people aren't really mad because we messed up. Their mad at other crap in their life: their dog shit on the floor, their wife's banging some other dude, their kids are demon spawn, their boss is a douche, whatever, but they can't take out their frustrations on any of those people, so who gets it? The first sucker in the service industry who flies into their cross hairs. You don't have to feel bad about taking a big, sweary frustration shit on a complete stranger, right?
Well, I won't let them do it to me. Here's my secret for dealing with them: deep down, I don't care. Sure, yeah, it sucks we messed up. I get that, I'd be (maybe) slightly irritated too, but honestly, I Do. Not. Care. I will follow standard operating procedure to take care of the problem, but you can't make me care and you can't make me angry.
Well, usually. This was hands down the nastiest call I've ever taken. I actually felt upset after. That made me feel worse, that I had let that bitch get to me. I had to go to the walk-in freezer and take some deep breaths because I was as close to crying as I have been in a long time and ever at work. Instead, I calmed down and then went to the office and wrote a very professional, eloquent, composed report to my bosses describing the incident. Apparently I judged my mark well on the tone because they were able to infer how very angry I was with my having to say so.

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There is a drunk guy sitting in the hallway of my apartment building talking loudly on the phone to his, I presume, girlfriend at 3am. Not as entertaining as the guy wandering around my block one night around 5am or so talking on his cell just below the threshold of yelling last weekend. He had no idea where he was and had been wandering around town for four hours after having apparently been ditched by his friend(s). He kept declaring his intent to beat the shit out of them when he got back, sleeping or no. Sounds horrible to tell, hilarious to listen to.

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I had to listen to the most appalling twaddle at work yesterday morning on top of only having had an hour of sleep. The conversation was a brainstabbingly ignorant discourse on things political and socio-economical. Warning: it is very "If it weren't for my horse..." I have included a few thoughts in ( ). It ran thus:


The pres. is the devil, excuse me, anti-christ. We know this because of three facts:

• he is the president
• he is trying to unite everyone
• he has two birth certificates

Speaking of birth certificates, if Bob* here was running for president he would show his to everyone, call the media, and there would be no problems instead of just showing to a judge like Obama did and then sealed it away in the Temple of Doom so no one can find it, or something.
(No, no, no. You wouldn't. It is one of your most important personal documents. You don't show it to anybody, especially if you're famous. See there are these things called identity thieves...oh never mind)

Republicans are the best because they are all about you keeping your money.**
(No, they are about them keeping their money. They'd love your money. Gods help us if they figure out a way to invent money magnets.)
Everybody else wants to spend your money. On things. Buffy* is very against this. She does not think her money should pay for other people's health care, and parks, and some other third thing which I think I blacked out during.
(That's right, parks are the devil.)

You know what Buffy really, really would like and would be like, super totally awesome? Free health care.
(I hate you.)
Bob says that in countries that have free health care it is all shitty and you have to wait weeks to see a doctor. This is the gospel of Bob. And some of them are starting to decide that if you are a smoker and have lung problems they won't cover it. Won't cover it! Ludicrous we say! We're better off without!
(Or would if they knew what ludicrous meant.)

Buffy absolutely will not drive a car. "I'm not driving no cars, I've got kids," she declared. She will, however, drive SUV's and trucks, has a driveway full of them if you care to look. All non-SUVs and truck-like vehicles are by this logic death traps that everyone is obviously too stupid to notice.
(Riiiiight.)

The Gospel of Bob also informs us that Congress, dirty, dirty vegans all, is taking cow farmers and all cows to court for Crimes Against Humanity and the Environment. The congressional vegans are going to do away with cows. Cows kill the Environment. The vegans are going to make us all eat salads! We cannot live with out meat!
(This is going to lead to me having an aneurysm.)

*Names changed to protect the stupid.
**I am not making this up, any of it. (Weeps)***
***Okay, I did add in the Temple of Doom bit.

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Good news: in my travels on the highway to health I have now lost 25 pounds. Not bad for 3 months of work. It's always exciting to have clothes unexpectedly fit. I'm very happy about it, in spite of my mother's attempt to take a big slimy shit on my self esteem parade. 25 is a nice big, psychologically satisfying number. Onward, I say.

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And lastly, for tonight anyways, I am attempting to grow a mini-garden on my patio. Right now everything is in the seedlings-in-trays stage, but soon my patio will be covered with pots of tomatoes, peppers, cucumbers, and flowers. I did quite a bit of interweb research on container gardening, but other than that it's going to be trial and error. My biggest concern is pests. No, not aphids and the like, but idiotus inebriatedi.