Dating or Desperate Cries for Help?

Here is a post in the running series that we all seem to be doing on dating and its plusses and perils. A while back a good friend of mine recommended Internet dating to me as a remedy to my state of singleness. I’ve avoided the whole online dating sites thing mostly because I still can’t get over the feeling that desperation lurks just beneath its surface. I feel that way even though I personally know people who are in happy, long-lasting relationships with people they met on dating sites. So, even though I can’t take it at all seriously, I had decided to peruse some dating sites for shits and giggles. Here are some of my favorite headlines from profiles I saw. At the time I felt they were worth sharing, and I finally got around to posting this. They’re copied exactly as the author’s published them, spelling mistakes, stupidity, and all. I’ve put my thoughts and comments after each in italics.

Where are the good ones?????
Avoiding you.
Five punctuation marks is the sign of an insane mind you know.

I’m a nice guy and laid back, looking for kindhearted and fun.
Translation: I’m an uninteresting SOB who is unfamiliar with proper sentence structure.

“Sensual Butterfly, awaits fair maiden”
Sooooo…you’re gay?

Looking for a friend/fun/date, and maybe more
Translation: I really need to have sex, but I’m trying not to scare ALL the girls off

I’m just trying this
OR
I was just curious
Translation: I’m desperate

I don’t want to give away to much info about myself
WTF, you only have, like 120 characters. What kind of secrets are you having trouble not divulging?

Just looking
Oh, really? Then why’d you devote all this time to your profile and picture, dumbass?

I’ve been looking for a while, but not much luck.
Something is horribly wrong with you isn’t it?

UR SEARCH IZ OVER
I AM A FUN,CARING,FUNNY GUY. I LIKE TO GO OUT AND HAVE FUN NEED A SOMEONE TO SHARE IN THE FUN. FRIENDS FIRST THEN HOPEFULLY MORE WE'LL SEE.... THIS IS MY FIRST TIME DOING THIS SO I'LL BE SHORT. IF U WANT TO FIND OUT MORE EMAIL ME AND WE'LL CHAT. HOPE TO TALK TO U LATER!
You Suuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck

Cultured Guy !!
Wrong!

One of a kind!!
Uh-huh…sure.

Looking for a shy girl
That’s kind of creepy, but I can’t put my finger on why.

Shyness at first, but watch out!I am currently ending a marriage of 9 1/2 years with unrecognisable differenced and are looking for someone who wishes to take a chance
Wow, divorced after nine and a half years, just throwing that out there huh? ‘Unrecognisable’ don’t you mean ‘irreconcilable’? Or maybe you really couldn’t recognize the presence or nature of the problems, hence the end of the marriage

“Bar Flies” need not waste time…
You should have seen this guy’s picture. He looked like a hamster being electrocuted via its balls.